The Subject of F**t

A reader stumbled upon my recent posting of a news item on a man arrested by police for passing gas assault. This is what he typed in his Google search: Chinese culture, passing gas. I was intrigued; is there a culture surrounding that natural activity that humankind and animals alike partake or even revel in? How many times a day do we, to put it politely, break wind? Or throwing civility to the wind, fart?. A website has gone to great length to answer all manner of questions on fart. And these are some of the questions we may have but are afraid to ask:

• Where does fart gas come from?
• what is fart gas made of?
• What makes farts stink?
• Why do farts make noise?
• Why are stinky farts generally warmer and quieter than regular farts?
• Do men fart more than women?
• Do men's farts smell worse than women's?
• Is it harmful to hold in farts?
• How can one cover up a fart?
• Is it really possible to ignite farts?

Dear readers, if you are in desperate need to know the answers, click on the website above.


Sorry, I couldn't find any literature on the Chinese's view on fart, but there are plenty of write-ups in the western world where it seems, the subject is well researched and documented. There is one website called Monsterfart. Another, a farty person who calls his website Mr. Methane, a modern day Le Petomane, Fartist Extraordinaire. Born in 1857, this Frenchman made plenty of money from his bizarre ability to control his sphincter muscles. He was able to play the Marseillaise tune through his arse. This was not his only accomplishment though. He could also expel farts with such force as to extinguish lighted candles several metres away. He later went on to perform in Moulin Rouge where he even out-grossed the leading actress and actor.


Though not as often talked or written about as 'love', it is neverthelss the subject of a poem by Sir John Suckling:

Love is the fart
Of every heart;
It pains a man when 'tis kept close
And others doth offend when 'tis let loose.

In his book, "Who Cut the Cheese? - A Cultural History of the Fart" Jim Dawson took a humorous look at the influence of flatulence on religion, science, literature, music, television, television and films. Here are two excerpts:


Excerpt 1

Excerpt 2

The Arabs also were not adverse to writing about this noxious bodily function. The Arabian Nights recounts a story of an unfortunate bridegroom on the night of his wedding:


A writer has even suggested, tongue-in-cheek that what is needed in the world is A Natural History of the Fart:

Burying your Past

Those who have reluctantly thrown away or sold them as recycled paper would have felt as though a part of their beings have been discarded. That was precisely how I felt when I went through all the books that I had bought and read in my life. I had been loathed to part with them but I did just that recently. There were books that carried memories of my youth. There were books that shaped my beliefs, my attitudes, my worldview. There were books that taught me the virtues of truth, honesty and sincerity. And there were books that moved me to admire those who stood up for their rights and their beliefs against overwhelming odds. It was so difficult to let go of these books. However, I had to for these books, most of which are thirty years old or more have been left collecting dust and cobwebs. I had sold them to the recycling centre for 24 Malaysian cents a kilo.

They charted the stages of my life, as I graduated from one phase to another. There were the books that hark back to the innocence of youthful escapades. There were books that explore the romanticism of the Wild West, stories that depict espionage in the era of the cold war, books that explore the psyche of the criminally insane and books that contain nuggets of Sufi wisdom, the mysticism of the east. Then there were books that explore ancient Rome and its decadence, on Alexander the Great's conquests, on the Egyptian pharaohs, on Genghis Khan, the Mongol, and his sacking of Persia, on the Middle Kingdom and the age of footbinding, on the samurai warlords and their practice of seppuku in medieval Japan.

Books, they are the food for the soul.

How To Make Anyone fall In Love With You

This is a book review, with slight changes, that I have done for a friend's blog. It is my two cents’ worth of views on Leil Lowndes’ book. It covers 85 techniques (by my standard, that’s a lot of techniques to employ).

"Lowndes claims that her techniques on making “anyone fall in love with you” are based on extensive scientific findings. The book contains numerous references to studies in human and animal behaviours in the mating game. In contrast to many writers on sexuality who focus on techniques and the erotic spots of men and women, Lowndes says the brain is the most erotic organ. Stimulate, excite and caress that organ and you are on your way to creating “a lifelong erotic aura”. It is the mind games that the sexes play out repeatedly that stoke and sustain sexual pleasure and intensity. She calls it brain fellatio. To put it succinctly, keep the channels of communication, verbal and nonverbal, open on all fronts".

I have picked out a few techniques so that readers can have a peek at what is inside the 318 page book. But first the physical sensation of love.

"The physical sensation of love
When a person falls in love, the body secretes a chemical, phenylethyalmine, or PEA that makes his heart thump, his hands wet with sweat and his insides go queasy. How does a hunter induce the release of PEA in his quarry? How does he or she ignite love at first sight in the quarry? " Now, that’s easy to remember; PEA as in pea-brain, I thought.

"Make eyes at the quarry
It is eye contact. There are four eye techniques that work: the intense gaze, the bedroom eyes, the sticky eyes and the visual voyage.

Technique 1: the intense gaze: when conversing with your quarry, lock eyes with him or her to give the impression that you are in love with her.

Technique 2: the bedroom eyes: allow your eyes to focus on the most attractive part of his or her face. This will cause the pupils to expand. According to Lowndes, ethnologists even have a name for it: the copulatory gaze. Finnish researchers have found that when the male baboon’s first look was directed at the female’s private parts, only five ejaculations occurred. However, when he first gazed into her eyes before taking a peek at her ‘yoni’, twenty-one ejaculations occurred.

Technique 3: the sticky eyes: let your eyes stay glued to her all the time.

Technique 4: the visual voyage: as you and your quarry are talking, let your eyes travel over her face and if he or she seems to enjoy it, let your eyes move further down. But beware! “You're cruising into dangerous seas and can sink the ship if your eyes travel too far south and vacation there too long”. What if you were born with slit eyes where the expanding pupils are practically unnoticeable?

"The art of pickup
How does one approach his or her potential love partner when he or she thinks that he or she is the one sent from heaven?". This is getting to be very cumbersome; the use of “he or she”; I am going to stick to “he” and “you” from now on to make life simpler.

"Hunters, make your move fast before some one else does. Lock eyes with her to signal your interest. If she looks away, don’t lose heart. According to Lowndes, a study on flirtation patterns shows that when a woman looks away and then looks up again 45 seconds later, she is interested. Give her a warm smile and move within range to talk to her. Huntress, do not think that the man should make the first move. Research also shows that women make the first move in two-thirds of the encounters. Quoting a research on animal behaviours, she says a female chimpanzee in heat will spot her Quarry, ‘stroll up to the male, and tip her buttocks toward his nose to get his attention. Then she'll actually pull him up to his feet to copulate. This behavior is known as female proceptivity. Female proceptivity (as opposed to receptivity) is not unknown to our species, although we are, I should hope, a little less obvious'.

How do women make their first move?
Lowndes lists in descending order of success the results of a study by Monica Moore on how women successfully make the first move:

1. Smile at him broadly
2. Throw him a short, darting glance
3. Dance alone to the music
4. Look straight at him and flip your hair
5. Keep a fixed gaze on him
6. Look at him, toss your head, and then look back
7.'Accidentally' brush up against him
8. Nod your head at him
9. Point to a chair and invite him to sit
10. Tilt your head and touch your exposed neck
11. Lick your lips during eye contact
12. Primp while keeping eye contact with him
13. Parade close to him with exaggerated hip movement

Huntress, take your pick, but you should know what to use.

SOFTEN YOUR QUARRY
After the initial move,

S - smile as you are listening to your quarry.

O - open your body. Face your quarry fully, with arms opened in a relaxed manner.

F - lean forward or stand or sit closely to indicate your attraction the quarry

T – touch your quarry’s arm or hand 'accidentally'.

E - maintain eye contact.

N - Nod your head to show interest or agreement.

The first conversation
Conversation is like making love; it is like selling according to Lowndes. You have to know the right buttons to hit and pitch your sales accordingly. An example from Lowndes shows how to turn a conversation to your advantage:

Suppose, gentlemen, while walking home from work, a sudden rainstorm breaks out. You dart for the nearest shelter, a coffee shop. You go in, shake yourself off, and, as you sit down, you spot striking Ms. Attractive Stranger on the next stool. You clear your throat and take a chance.

''Wow," you say. "Looks like it's going to be some storm out there, huh?"

She turns toward you and seems receptive. "Sure does."

You are groping for something else to say. "Uh, do you come here often?"

Your Quarry seems amused at your line, but still interested. "No, not too often." She smiles. "I stopped in here for a hot coffee to get out of the rain."

You venture, "Yeah, it's really coming down, isn't it?" Well, it might not be brilliant, but it keeps the conversation going.

"Oh, well." Your Quarry shrugs. "At least it's good for the plants."

You both look out the window momentarily and then back at each other. You smile. Your Quarry gives you a forced smile. Then neither of you can think of anything else to say, so you both stare back into your coffee cups. End of possible love affair.

What went wrong? Lowden says the man missed ‘the cherry’ that was there. Where is the cherry in the exchange above? Plants. The woman evidently had something going for plants. May be she was an environmentalist; may be a campaigner for "Save The Tropical Forests" movement; or may be simply a lover of flora and fauna. The conversation could have gone on to a more interesting level had he spotted ‘the cherry’.

The Art of Ego massage

Another interesting section is the one on the art of ego massage. Massaging the ego of your quarry is a delicate task that can easily backfire if it is not done with finesse ".

What I have found interesting are the extensive references made to studies on the mating behaviours of the animal kingdom. Her humorous informal style makes the book pleasureable to read.

Book cover from: www.vaknlp.com/nlp-seduction.htm

Picture of HEARTS from:
www.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commmons